Writing?

I was laying in bed, either last night or this morning,  ( I can't remember which) and I felt really pathetic. 

Here I love to write and yet I never do.

Once upon a time, say 4 years ago, I was a great writer. I had a voice, as they say. And I knew how make prose go my way. 

Not so much anymore. 

I'm jealous of my friends who have obviously pursued their love of writing and literature. They still write fiction for fun or freelance or write/wrote for their school paper (if I could go back in time, I would do this...major regret).

I do nothing of the sort. I pretty much feel like I sold out to a $12 an hour job. 

And it makes me feel, as I said in the line above, really pathetic. 

and so, we meet again

I can't recall the last time I blogged. 

Was it before Christmas? After Thanksgiving? During Halloween?

Like I said, no recollection. 

But, I'm going to jump back into it like I've never been gone. 

Which should be easy, right? Because, honestly, most everything is the same. 

I am still a rat on a rat wheel of an eight to five job. Except now, my boss has my cellphone number. Yep, I've gotten 10am calls on a holiday. Okay, maybe it as just New Years Eve, but still... screw you cellphone. Also, I got a promotion. The company bought out my temp contract and upped my pay to $12 an hour. Exciting? Yes.

I am still living with my roommates. Except I'm realizing that I may never be able to live with college kiddos again. Nothing against them, but they are living in a fantasy world. Not that I wasn't right there with them a year ago. I no longer have the energy to hit up multiple parties a night or any parties for that matter. Oh and also, I can't deal with being left by myself for weeks on end while they all go home for Winter Break. Big lesson learned about myself: I HATE TO BE ALONE. A few days before Christmas,   I was sitting in my car outside of the grocery store and realized something extremely scary: I am completely alone. What if something happened? What if my car stalled? Or I fell and slipped in the shower? Or I was abducted? There is no one here in town to help me. My support circle is miles and miles away. FREAKED ME OUT.

I am still dating my best friend. Except now, T and I are facing a dilemma. See below.

Okay, so I'll put it out there. I am slightly pissed that he has decided to move back home after he graduates in March. Why can't we just get an apartment together like in my fantasies? 

I'm beginning to realize that I would be extremely stupid to just up and quit my job and move back home just to be closer to my boyfriend. No way am I going to find another entry level job that has paid holidays, a full stocked breakroom, and $300 Christmas bonuses in my sideways hometown. No way, Jose. 

This realization makes me depressed. 

THE BOSS

There is a rumor in my family that we are related to the Hiltons. You know, Conrad Hilton. Be My Guest. My granddaughter has issues. Those Hiltons. My paternal grandparents use to boast this to company, while my mom rolled her eyes in the background. "They're not even related by blood," my mom would secretly scoff to us children.   

Whatever the truth may be, I like to think that I am related to the Hiltons. And I like to think that this is the reason why I am not phased in the slightest by wealth.

Which may explain one of the reasons that I am not impressed by my boss.

I mean, he's only a millionaire. I know that I am merely a child of the middle class, but please---millionaires are a dime a dozen these days, right?

I'd also like to mention that my boss is not the nicest of people. He is racist homophobe who subscribes to Christianity. He chew people out using four letter words, with the rage of a temper tantrum throwing two year old.  And as an English major, "F*** You's" and "NO SH**" seem very blase.  

 

 Whenever he uses these choice words with me, I simply remind myself that he may have millions but I have something that he doesn't have---a college degree.

 

I usually remind myself of this when I am in my car, on my lunch break, bawling my eyes out.

 

I have gone through a lot of klenex in the past few months.

 

Maybe it's depression. Maybe it's me feeling sorry for myself.

 

Whatever it is, I need to figure it out.

 

Oh snizzz. I was suppose to make a doctor's appointment.

And I'm Back, From Outerspace...

So.

I'm back.

I took a break from bloging for awhile, as you may have noticed. 

I decided that I had nothing to write about and no one wanted to hear me complain about how much I hated work. 

......

Well, I still dislike work but that doesn't mean I don't have anything to write about. 

There is nothing wrong with chronicling your depressive moods, your moments of happy simplicity or your battle through a quarterlife crisis. 

I may have risen above the ramen from college, but I still have a lot more rising to do.

That being said:

I'm trying this new thing:

Using my lists to demonstrate positivity. 

And here I go:

1. I am grateful for my own room in my own apartment that has a comfy bed and a nice laptop and a very classic picture of Audrey Hepburn on the wall.

2. I am grateful for my love of food. It motivates me and just plain makes me happy and content. Hello, Trader Joes.

3. I am grateful that I have such a wonderful family that will change their Thanksgiving plans just for me.

4. I am grateful that I have a boyfriend who is so sensitive and loving. Today, when I apologized for my crying and ranting, he said "Don't be sorry. I am invested in you. I care about you. Never be sorry."

5. I am grateful that my roommates and I get along. We made apple dumplings today. It was swell. 

NEW RULES

I have purposely stayed away from my blog for a few days because I didn't want to rant and complain about work. I don't think that most people want to hear a twenty-something complain about how they loath their part time job, when most people in this economy would gladly take any job that came their way. 

SO, the purpose of this entry is to build myself up instead of resort to pity parties. And so, I have made a few rules.

 RULES:

1. I will detach myself from the situation at work if things go sour (i.e my boss gets pissy) and remind myself not to take his actions so personally (i.e strap on the teflon skin)

2. I will remind myself that being given more hours is not a death sentence, but instead an opportunity to make more money. (Starting tomorrow, I will take on a 40 hour week).

3. I will take my mom's advice and try to give myself a purpose at my job--like remind myself that I am helping people or improving someone's day (this is hard for me: most of the time, the only person I feel like I'm helping is my boss, and personally, taking care of his cigar humidor and screening his calls for him doesn't seem like a lot in the grand scheme of humanity). BUT I'm going to try to find a purpose.

4. I will treat myself and take care of myself when things get stressfully or crummy.

5. I will leave my work drama at the door when I get home. Home is MY place and I choose for it to be a stress free atmosphere. 

6. I also want to remind myself that this is just a job. If something happens (like I get FIRED per say), I can always find another one. This whole year is simply a learning experience.

Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (Alexander Style)

WAHHHH.

I hope you've all read Alexander's No Good Very Bad Day at least once. It's a great children's book that teaches that everyone has bad days, even in Australia.

And what do you know, I had such a day.

Reasons:

1. My boss yelled at me. He asked me to meet him in the club room and I thought he said the conference room. My bad. When I finally did find him I was greeted by a man smoking a cigar and reading an newspaper, who uttered a snarly "Now means now."  He was upset because he didn't like the song playing on the system ( I don't make the playlist, FYI). I'm sorry you don't like Green Day buddy, but that's no reason to yell at me. And I'm sorry that you think you are so important that you can't get up off your own behind and push a button on an iPod. I have now coined a very nice nickname for him: JefFU.

2. Lack of sleep, Ty and I had a long talk last night, which resulted in me only getting 5 hours of sleep. It also resulted in a stuffy nose and the loss of a box of tissues, as I did a lot of crying. Everything is okay right now, but seriously, thin walls are no fun when you are having said situation.

3.  35 minutes spent on phone with Fed Ex. There was an issue with a package and JefFU needed to know why. The reason, "sometimes these things happen" is apparently not good enough for him. So, I, the temp, got the lovely job of calling a 1-800 number and getting transfered a million times. 

Golly, geee woow. Rotten day.

But I am home and I plan to sleep. 

I also plan to remove all traces of my name from this blog. 

This Week(ends)'s Agenda

Way back when, oh say about 10 years ago, I was a secretary for our local 4-H group. Go ahead and laugh (I am), but those peeps taught me to sew and cook and can like no one's business. And they also taught me how to take notes. In honor of them, I thought I'd borrow secretarial format...okay, not really because of them, but because I just wanted to.

Anyways...

OLD BUSINESS

1.Fight with best friend

2.Close proximity to brother

3.Arrogant dude at work

NEW BUSINESS

1.Fight with boyfriend (argument or disagreement is really a better word)

2. Enjoying close proximity to brother

3. Work is getting better.

Elaborations

1. A recent phone call which began with a compliment (Me: "can't wait for us to live together") and ended with a conflict (Him: "Sometimes thinking about this leaves me a little anxious.) Arrghhh! The most annoying thing about arguing long distance is that these things always seem to happen at an inopportune time---as did this one, as he was at a coffee house and I was surrounded by thin walls and roommates. Yikes.  Resolution? Yes. Lingering yucky feelings? Maybe just a bit.

2.  My brother and I hung out today. K joined the Crew team and as a result, we haven't gotten to hang out much. Apparently, Crew is both physically and socially draining. Anyways, I snatched K from the dorms, took him back to my place and made him a good ol' homemade dinner. He loved it. As did I. Perhaps we could make this a weekly thing? 

3. Work is getting better, like a said above. I've done everything from polish silver knifes to contact AG candidates to fax invoices. 9-3. That's me. Arrogant dude is still arrogant. And for some reason, I always make a fool of myself in front of him. But you know what? I'm putting on the teflon skin and just letting it slide off my shoulders. Or at least that's what I'm trying to do. 

NEXT MEETING

1. Trip to SC to Visit T

2. Jersey Shore Parties

3. My Thrifting Glories

3.